It's an Inside Job

Happy Hump Day my friends! Wednesday has long been one of my favorite days of the week, although I frequently make things up to justify most days as being my favorite. I believe it has something to do with the rose collared glasses I often wear. On Wednesdays my son Spenser plays peewee baseball. I often gather with some of my closest friends on Wednesday evenings and I'm usually off of work Wednesday nights. I only work one more day (Thursday night) after Wednesday so my work week is nearly over. See, those are lots of good things about Wednesday! It's apparent from all of this that I have watched way too much Sesame Street lately. You tend to do that when you're a parent. Enough of this madness. Is there supposed to be a topic in this blog?

I've been noticing lately how many people seem to attempt to change their externals in an attempt to find happiness. It's likely due to the fact that I'm now 32 and have lived most of my life like a wayward gypsy, but I've learned long ago that happiness comes from within. Experience is our best teacher in life and I've been guilty many times of trying to manipulate life into providing me happiness.

I've tried nearly every combination that a guy can try. I've often believed if I only lived in this particular city and worked that job, making that much money and drove that kind of vehicle and dated this kind of woman I'd be happy. This insane thinking has lead to one heck of a tumultuous life my friends. I've lived in six different states. I've held over 40 different jobs. I've been married and divorced twice and dated several other unfortunate women. I've moved from apartments to houses and back to apartments again. All of this created stress and chaos in my life and only fleeting smiles.

I'm not alone in this. We see many folks who constantly chase the latest fads in technology hoping that the next smart phone or video game system will do the trick. Some folks are constantly buying the latest and greatest $150 sneakers and $200 jeans and Ed Hardy T-shirts. (Yes I do indeed know folks who have paid $100 plus for a single T-shirt.) Some people buy a new car every two years or a new house every three. Some folks sit at home all day on Facebook wishing they had a job. Others go to work constantly and wish they didn't have to work. Many folks have the notion that if they could only win the lottery they'd be happy. I know people who cause extreme amounts of destruction in their lives by constantly chasing different lovers.

Single folks wish they had someone and couples wish they were single. People spend hundreds of dollars a month on tanning and manicures and pedicures and get their hair done. Folks spend thousands attempting to alter their bodies in their pursuit of happiness. We live in a society that's keen on constantly keeping up with the "Jones" or more accurately in today's world the Kardashians.

I'm not opposed to anyone accumulating wealth and possesions. If you have the means to pamper yourself daily then you should. It just all changed for me one day when someone sat down with me and explained that happiness is an inside job. Our forefathers and the men who founded this grand nation believed that it is each individuals right to pursue happiness. They were right (although this nation also has a long history of defining who can pursue what i.e. slavery, women's liberation and homosexual rights. However these are all topics for another blog.) Each and every Man and Woman living on this orbiting rock we call Earth has a right to pursue what makes them happy. I'm simply of the belief that you shouldn't have to pursue it any farther than looking at the person sitting in front of your computer screen.

One of my favorite all time sayings is that "happiness is a by-product of right living." This is a tried and true fact in my life today. The more things I do in life that are the right things to do the happier I am. I gave up a long time ago attempting to impress folks. Actually that's only partially true. I often still find myself wanting to impress Amy (my fiancee and the love of my life) and sometimes my children. Most other folks just aren't important enough for me to try to mold myself into how they think I should act or live.

Seven and a half years ago I moved from Nashville, TN to Toledo, OH. Now friends Nashville is an absolutely wonderful place to live. I loved Nashville. Toledo on the other hand is not exactly a typical vacation destination. I used to despise Toledo for many reasons when I first relocated here. Then some amazing events transpired and I began to find myself becoming happier despite my surroundings. That I believe is the whole key to the issue of happiness. Finding the inner peace and inner security of being OK with who you are.

There is a reason why many famous and wealthy celebrities get divorced. Wealthy folks sometimes have problems with alcohol and drugs and with committing crimes. There is a reason they hire public relations people. On the other hand it's not a coincidence that you can often hear riotous laughter in impoverished neighborhoods. Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming you have to be poor to be happy. I'm just saying that wealth and possessions do not define your level of happiness.

A man once told me I should find my "happy" in life and chase that. So I asked myself tonight "What makes me happy?" Spending time with my significant other and my children make me happy. Enjoying the company of my close friends brings a lot of laughter to my life. Laughing is something that I love to do and could use more of in my life. I enjoy talking with people and as Amy puts it "hemming and hawing." You know sitting on the back deck doing a lot of nothing but just shooting the breeze with folks. I love to go on road trips and I enjoy exploring new places. I like to find new adventures each day. I enjoy tucking my children into bed at night and waking up with them in the morning. I love those lazy days at home with my family when we all stay in our pajamas until well past noon. I enjoy reading books and learning things. I also enjoy being by myself sometimes. Taking a walk or driving to the library or simply sitting in the back yard and reading. I enjoy listening to good music and love discovering new bands to enjoy. (Special thanks to my friend Matt B for introducing me to Wilco recently.) These are the things I live for my friends.

Sure I'd really like to win the mega millions. I'd like to drive a Ferrari some day. I'd like to have enough money to play high stakes poker with the world's best players. It would be cool to travel around the world and see exotic locations. However I'm thoroughly convinced that none of these things would bring me any more joy than having a good cup of coffee with a good friend. It's the simple things in life that make me smile and thus the simple things in life I pursue.

So in summation friends, go ahead and plan that relocation to Miami or New York. Stand in line for a whole day just to be the first to buy the next pair of Nike's. Go shopping, chase new lovers and live with reckless abandon. Just make sure your happy before you do these things. One of my favorite poets said it best, “Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” That would be the late great Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Now go and chase your happiness friends. While your looking for it stop over and have coffee with me and let's just sit on the back porch and shoot the breeze. That's where I've found some of the most happy moments in my life.