Changes

Mother Nature is finally starting to realize that it's supposed to be spring. My three children are all doing exceptionally well. My first season of softball in many years is well under way and at 4-2 as a team we are doing well. Spenser's pee wee baseball season has begun and he is doing well and enjoying himself. My beloved St. Louis Cardinals are in first place. I just recently celebrated my fifth continuous year of sobriety. I remain gainfully employed at a fairly rewarding job. I'm constantly surrounded by some of the most loyal and loving friends that God has ever allowed to grace planet Earth. I have a beautiful and loving woman in my life who has agreed to someday marry me. For all intents and purposes everything in life is looking good. Yet I've experienced several bouts of crankiness and moodiness lately.

For some reason every several months or so I experience these "growth" opportunities. I'm certain that most of my friends in recovery can relate to this. We often repeat a well worn phrase in recovery circles, "You either grow or you go." Sometimes I wonder if we even think about what these phrases actually mean before we parrot them to others.

You either grow or you go. It doesn't leave a lot of room for other options. The gist of the statement is that one either continues to grow spiritually and emotionally or that they will eventually drink and return to their old "un-sober" ways. It's a statement that I've seen bear some truth over my five year recovery journey. Those that don't change enough of their behaviors often do wind up not being sober. I certainly don't ever want to fall into the category of "goers."

So what is one to do when faced with the challenge of growing? Why is it that in the midst of a beautifully blessed life one becomes restless and uneasy? Surely I must be doing something wrong. I've done the gratitude lists and performed the daily meditations. I continue to actively sponsor men. I'm active in my recovery home group. I talk with my sponsor on a weekly basis. I suit up and show up to my obligations. The only thing left to do is the one thing I know will undoubtedly guide me through my growing; trudge.

Trudge is an odd word to use in conjunction with living a blessed life. Trudge - a long tedious walk. To walk wearily. Some have defined trudge as to move forward slowly. Anyway you look at it trudging is not a glamorous action. Yet I have found that the ability to trudge is one of my best assets. If life be troublesome and difficult, keep trudging and you'll get through. If life be splendid and a smashing success, keep trudging and you'll get through that too. One foot in front of the other. I know if I keep trudging long enough this too shall pass.

So I'm restless and cranky. I've identified that. Now what? Our old dear friend Mr. Personal Inventory pays a visit. As Eminem once said "I'm going through changes." Change...it isn't just for pockets anymore. It's one of those things in life that is constantly happening. The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes. I don't always adapt well to change. As a matter of fact I normally don't deal well with it at all. Especially when things change in life without my permission. I wish I was one of those mythical creatures who embrace change. Those that welcome it with wide open arms. Those are the folks usually running around with unicorns.

So I'm just going to hang on real tight and enjoy the ride. I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and continue to trudge the long tedious road of life. Somewhere along the way, whether it be in a day or two or a week or three, I will realize that I've come through on the other side of this thing and all will be roses and sunshine and then that will eventually change too. It's just another period of growth opportunity. Come and join me as we trudge this road of happy destiny.